Thoughts from a nobody

Discarding the false

julianmauger@hotmail.com (Julian Mauger) — Sun, 29 Nov 2009 11:18:00 +0000

I can be gentle and nurturing with children, the innocent, those who are open to life and learning, those who are living and learning without even having an idea of what those are. I am sometimes impatient with those who will not learn, who will not face up to themselves, who do not have the courage to discard what they have already seen to be false, who will not mentally move on when they need to, who maintain dishonesty to themselves. Why? Because, most of all, I am impatient with myself for doing all of those things

Men fantasising about rape

julianmauger@hotmail.com (Julian Mauger) — Sat, 28 Nov 2009 10:53:00 +0000

To [a man, name removed]

Sorry to narrow this down to single point - it might be worth taking this elsewhere and not distracting from the main topic - but why the "Of course" in your answer to "Do I fantasise about rape...?"

I find your and others' posts genuinely interesting, without pretending to understand all of what you say. It is helpful to find people who can discuss openly without reverting to knee-jerk, black-and-white interpretations that are so often trotted out. To that end, I think the HONESTY of a man who admits to fantasising about raping a woman - rather than the frantasy itself - is an entirely positive thing. Admitting the violent tendencies in ourselves is the first step to transforming our destructive energies, etc, etc.

But the "Of course" seems to imply the inevitable fantasising by every man at some point in his life of raping a woman or more than one woman. I wholly disagree with this inevitablility. It says to me, if the violence-of-men-aganist-women embedded in society is to be overcome, then there needs to be a lot more exposure of men who have NO thought at all of doing violence to women, even in fantasy. While actual rape is horrendous and it is to be expected that it is reported on and talked about, may be the balance of attention on rape needs to be tipped towards interviews with men, particularly those viewed as strong by society, who genuinely have no such thoughts.

Best wishes,
Julian

julianmauger@hotmail.com (Julian Mauger) — Sat, 28 Nov 2009 10:10:00 +0000

Wisdom finds outlets where it is needed. It does not need to market itself.

julianmauger@hotmail.com (Julian Mauger) — Sat, 28 Nov 2009 10:02:00 +0000

The essence of wisdom is vanishingly small, but can speak to an infinity of situations.

julianmauger@hotmail.com (Julian Mauger) — Wed, 25 Nov 2009 15:25:00 +0000

Sometimes when I eat good, wholesome food I clear every last bit as if it might be my last meal for a long time. It is almost as it was me who lived under the Nazis and not my Dad. Or may be it is just subconsciously 'remembering' when I really didn't know where my next meal was coming from...

Like a crone

julianmauger@hotmail.com (Julian Mauger) — Tue, 24 Nov 2009 16:40:00 +0000

I can be gentle and nurturing with children, the innocent, those who are open to life and learning, those who are living and learning without even having an idea of what those are. But may be like acrone-minus-the-wisdom, I have little time for those who will not learn, who will not face up to themselves, who do not have the courage to discard what they have already seen to be false, who will not mentally move on when they need to, who maintain dishonesty to themselves. Why? Because, most of all, I am impatient with myself for doing all of those things

Values

julianmauger@hotmail.com (Julian Mauger) — Fri, 20 Nov 2009 12:22:00 +0000

If we want to establish new (or old) values, they must be embedded in communities and not just individuals.

Capturing the world

julianmauger@hotmail.com (Julian Mauger) — Fri, 20 Nov 2009 12:16:00 +0000

Why do I want to capture the world in pictures, photos, words when it is endlessly renewing itself in fascinating ways before my eyes?

julianmauger@hotmail.com (Julian Mauger) — Thu, 19 Nov 2009 15:39:00 +0000

Sometimes I disappear into the world of 'figuring out life' and out of life itself. But not as often a I used to!

julianmauger@hotmail.com (Julian Mauger) — Thu, 19 Nov 2009 14:46:00 +0000

'Enlightenment' is realising that there is no one to become 'enlightened'.

No agenda

julianmauger@hotmail.com (Julian Mauger) — Wed, 18 Nov 2009 13:46:00 +0000

Let their be friendship wth no agenda.

This is it

julianmauger@hotmail.com (Julian Mauger) — Wed, 18 Nov 2009 13:24:00 +0000

Spiritually, there is nowhere to go. This is it. All phenonema are just part of the continuous expression of the One, God, the Divine, the Cosmos, the Self, or whatever name it is given. The feeling of being 'me', being 'Julian' is just another part of that expression, not something separate.

Ian McEwan

julianmauger@hotmail.com (Julian Mauger) — Wed, 18 Nov 2009 11:20:00 +0000

Ian McEwan gets more amazing writing on a 2-page spread than i could produce in a year of fulltime writing. I can imagine beating Roger Federer at tennis eaiser than I can imagine matching McEwen's writing.

Not anything

julianmauger@hotmail.com (Julian Mauger) — Sun, 15 Nov 2009 20:32:00 +0000

Somtimes, I don't even want to use my name and just be fluid, free, not acting, feeling the energy build; then all thought of gender goes, not even being 'myself' but just Being, just potential ...............

Courage and The Colour Purple

julianmauger@hotmail.com (Julian Mauger) — Sat, 14 Nov 2009 15:10:00 +0000

29.8.07, re-posted from wiki

At some stage as a teenager I noticed that all the novels I had read were by men, though not deliberately so, and set out to read some by women. "The Colour Purple" opens a new world to a boy who has read only what men write.

It wasn't the opening up of a new dimension of the world out there as I first thought. Instead it was to awaken an undiscovered part of myself that acts from the heart; knows with an intensity that defies any justifcation; loves with a passion that could, unchecked, lead to desperate scheming rather than scheming to win what it thinks it loves; and fights with the courage of a mother proctecting her child. In other words, I was discovering part of my own humanity.

Child healer

julianmauger@hotmail.com (Julian Mauger) — Sat, 14 Nov 2009 15:04:00 +0000

22.10.07 from wiki, re-posted

When I was young I was sick and and my parents thought more than once that I might die ( I am told).

They obtained a fragment of the dress of a child healer, Linda Martel, who was born in the same hospital as me. I still have it. Even today, people ask for pieces of her clothes, etc., for their sick children.

The speed of light

julianmauger@hotmail.com (Julian Mauger) — Sat, 14 Nov 2009 15:00:00 +0000

26 August 2007 (re-posted from wiki)

I so believe that the value of the speed of light that today we regard as a fixed number (c), that arises as a constant but seemingly arbitrary attribute of our universe, will someday drop straight out of an equation someone is playing with. Also that the woman or man doing the playing will be a little surprised too - and later find it difficult to manage the competiton for their attention.

Godel and theories of everything

julianmauger@hotmail.com (Julian Mauger) — Sat, 14 Nov 2009 14:59:00 +0000

1 September 2007

I remember reading years ago that Godel's theorem says that, given a bunch of premises, there are always truths consistent with the premises that can't be constructed from them. Is this right? If so, is it an impossible task physicists have taken on to try and construct a Theory of Everything? I would really like to know the answer to this. Anyone?

Are you real?

julianmauger@hotmail.com (Julian Mauger) — Sat, 14 Nov 2009 14:55:00 +0000

8 October 2007

By all accounts, computing power for a fixed price doubles every 18-24 months. Whatever the exact timespan, imagine that this goes on indefinitely or at least for a long time. Imagine the world in say 300 years time. May be virtual reality will have developed to such a refined state that the world around each of us can be modelled to look and feel exactly as it does to us now.

Well, if it can, then we have no way of knowing whether we are 'real' or only existent in a virtual reality trip. When you go to sleep or are unconscious, may be some one just switched the game off. May be the world isn't modelled on how humans feel at all, may be it's just a model devised by 'someone' else. What we see, think and feel is just how the game is constructed.

Not an original thought on my part, but still a mind-bending one!

Karma and proper sowing

julianmauger@hotmail.com (Julian Mauger) — Sat, 14 Nov 2009 14:51:00 +0000

26 August 2007

I find it hard to believe in individual karma, any more than I believe in God deciding that I will be let into heaven or condemned to hell. Can our actions really be revisited on us in the exact measure we affected others for better or worse - and by whose definition of better and worse?No doubt the collected consequences of each of our actions affects ourselves, others and our surroundings in uncountable ways - but that is pretty vacuous.

If we have ideas about good and bad, let us tailor our actions accordingly. Even then we cannot predict the consequences, especially as each action that has any real impact plays out over an unknown timespan. All we can do is check out our motivation for doing things. This is an endless task which can never be perfected or completed but, if we have the will to do whatever we consider 'good', then it demands that we try.

If karma (if we need to conceptualise such a thing at all) is the incalculable consequences of everything we do revisited on us collectively, then the appropriate way of living is self-regulating our motivations. If that means dispensing with the sweet dream of justice for each individual, so be it. That was never going to happen.

And here are some lines from T.S Eliot's The Rock that reflect this:

" ... and I know
That it is hard to be really useful, resigning
The things that men count for happiness, seeking
The good deeds that lead to obscurity, accepting
With equal face those that bring ignominy,
The applause of all or the love of none.
All men are ready to invest their money
But most expect dividends.
I say to you: Make perfect your will.
I say: take no thought of the harvest,
But only of proper sowing."

New-age monk or plain eccentric?

julianmauger@hotmail.com (Julian Mauger) — Sat, 14 Nov 2009 14:48:00 +0000

16 September 2007

The white-haired man across the food hall is making random announcements. I can't quite hear them, despite amplification by his cupped hands, but catch "Spitfire aeroplane", "my mother's first cousin" and reference to throwing toys out of a pram. People near him seem unperturbed, may be because he shows no signs of leaving his seat.

Spoke too soon. Now he has seen me writing and I can feel it won't be long before he has something to say about it ... Sure enough, he has picked up his papers and is heading my way. His full-length, blue denim smock and dressing gown type cord with tassles wound three times around his middle suggest a self-styled, new age monk.

Without introduction, he advises me, "Too much thinking is bad for you."I tell him I understand and (semi-truthfully) that writing is my way of getting thoughts out, so that they don't hang around so long. He said he writes too, making the papers under his arm wave ever so slightly in evidence. "Beethoven wrote music. I write" he declares. "I understand. I write too." It re-states the obvious but underlines that I am with him on that point, at least. He holds my eyes with his and seeing no one to argue with, ambles onto the terrace to engage four self-consciously cool types, each trying to win the "I-have-the-most-friends-that-can-be-contacted-with-the-latest-technology-from-behind-the-coolest-shades" competition. Instinct tells me he will find more there to take issue with.

[A few minutes later]. He has disengaged from the wanna-be dudes and is standing stock still and berating them in a very definite manner, unfortunately out of my hearing range, almost as if placing a curse. Point made, he leaves the curse to do its worst and ambles off to the adjoining motel. Peace on him too, I say.

Religion - not for me

julianmauger@hotmail.com (Julian Mauger) — Sat, 14 Nov 2009 14:00:00 +0000

20 November 2007

I have just taken the Belief-o-Matic test "What religion are you?" and matched closest to Unitarian Universalism. On checking what it is, I find it quite a poor match.

I was brought up a Roman Catholic which was a 7% match: so much more accurate.

But I am not temperamentally or intellectually suited to religion and my Catholic up-bringing put me off for life to the extent that it is unimaginable that I would ever subscribe to one ever again. Guess I was just curious to see what a best fit would be, but this test has confirmed religion is not for me.

Pick a religion

julianmauger@hotmail.com (Julian Mauger) — Sat, 14 Nov 2009 13:58:00 +0000

26 November 2007

Imagine your memory is switched off and wiped, bit like a hard-disk when you need it most. When it's switched back on, you have your intelligence but no memory. As life goes on, various people try to persuade you that certain personalities and places exist, but you can't see them while you are still alive - like God, Heaven, Nirvana, hungry ghosts or whatever. You get the picture that the people belong to different religions.

But people in any one religion don't all believe the same thing or act the same way. Some of things done in the name of religion seem good, some bad. How would you decide whether to adopt a religion or not and, if so, which one?

ESP

julianmauger@hotmail.com (Julian Mauger) — Sat, 14 Nov 2009 13:49:00 +0000

2 September 2007

Years ago, I was persuaded by a friend to attend a session by Denise Lin, who I thnk claimed to have developed ESP after being shot as a teenager, but don't take my word for that. I was sceptical but the ticket was free and I quoted my motto to myself: "Try anything once". I conveniently forget to apply that motto quite often, by the way.

I was seated in a row of plastic chairs in a church hall between two women, one younger than me, one older. We were taught some breathing exercises that would help supposedly unleash our own ESP powers. Afterwards, we were asked to concentrate on the mind of the person to our left (and later the one on our right) and to remember what we saw. I saw a pair of women's hands toying uncertainly with some bright chips of glass or something similar and shiny, turning them over and over. She was feeling creative, but hesitating about something. A bright light grew around her hands and that made up her mind: she would make something.Afterwards, we compared notes. She told me she made necklaces every single day, sometimes from chips of gems like amethyst that she obtained from jewellery makers and sellers of gem stones. She made them everywhere. Even when sunbathing on the beach in Spain, she carried on making and making. The previous day she had been intending to make a necklace for a girlfriend, but something had made her hesitate and she was still unsure.

When she heard what I had 'seen' in her mind, it brought tears to her eyes and she said that was what she needed to break the doubt about making a gift for her friend. [There was more to come at that meeting.] I am still agnostic about ESP & psychic powers, but it was interesting nonetheless......

Witch!

julianmauger@hotmail.com (Julian Mauger) — Sat, 14 Nov 2009 13:46:00 +0000

6 September 2007

When I was may be 16 or 17 years old, I worked in an office as a summer job. There was a woman whom I was quite wary of but I couldn't pin down why. I always talked to her if she talked to me first, but otherwise instictively kept out of her way.

One day I heard her talking to someone on the pay phone. All I heard was " ... so I flashed my tits at him..." At the same time I saw her face as she sensed me there and turned towards me. There was something mildly crude about what she said, but so what? What shocked me was that, although her look and her voice hadn't changed at all, there was something in both that was malevolent - I get goose bumps as I remember it - and I got a thought from deep down: "She's a witch!" I never told anyone.

Years later, my parents were selling their house. They told me they had rejected an offer from a woman who it turned out practised witchcraft. Guess who it turned out to be....

[I have nothing against witches or wicca per se; only bad motives.]